Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Diaries of a Sad Man: Side Dude

Everyday we encounter sadness. Whether it's fake sad or real sad, shit is still sad. This is a story of how a young man who once thought he found the one, slipped up and become the side nigga..

'Twas a lonely night on Twitter while a dude's DM's was dryer than grandma's.. Nvm. He was doing what every girl loves in a man. Flaunt. He was flaunting his chick like she was a trophy. Dude was ranting about how much love he got for his girl. And how he's so happy with her. What he didn't know was what was happening on the other side of the the TL. He didn't want to become what he later became, the side nigga. His worst nightmare became reality.

On a night filled with curiosity and Whipped Cream flavored Pinnacle between the two of them, something drastic happened. The chick went out with an old friend. Just like every other nigga, all he could do is pray that she won't go hoe around with her friends. He don't even know who her "friend" is. Or even if that "friend" is a male. What if she's just lying? Anyway.. It was then when he received a text from "My Queen" telling him that she will be going out to a club for her friend's birthday...... It was right then and there when his stomach swirled up into a knot right after that text. Those are words that niggas HATE to hear from their queen. He felt like a little kid crying his eyes out. So much, that he thought he was going to throw up. This the most stressful situation you could put your man in. Shit ain't cool. You have the dude pacing up and down his room waiting for any text to reassure his relationship with her. She had the dude waiting like Shawn Michaels gripping the ropes waiting to give The Undertaker the Sweet Chin Music...


Every text he got was dissected like a cat in High School biology class for deeper meaning. Pointing out any mistake in her texts waiting for her to come home and be like "YOU DRUNK WITH OTHER NIGGAS UP IN THE CLUB? YOU AIN'T SPELL SHIT RIGHT"

Worst shit any female could do when they're out partying is tweet an emoji. Just a plain emoji. No words.. But just ONE simple emoji. You know the saying "a picture has a thousand words" ? Yeah, so does that one emoji your girl put up. That could make a nigga want to put his girl in a 4 figure leg lock as soon as she touch base at home. Undoubtedly, that is exactly what she did. Now he's checking all over his TL for any niggas saying they at the same spot she's at and even checking her mentions. Shit gets real from here.

Now the dude gets worried and acts as if he got the whole Mystery Machine filled with Shaggy, Velma, Scooby, Fred, and Daphine and starts detecting. Looking for evidence from Facebook to Twitter to Instagram. That ONE emoji could mean a lot. No dude wants to witness seeing his girl put up the emoji sticking it's tongue out with no words followed by it while she's out partying. What does that mean? Better question is, what COULD that mean? That could mean she's being loyal. That could also mean she's busy hoe-ing around, tongue wrestling one of your former homies from school/work. And your just there left to only wonder.

This shit is so stressful for us niggas out here. Only advice I could tell all of the male readers reading this blog other than gripping your girl tight, is to clap your hands together, say 3 Our Father's, 1 Hail Mary, and just keep praying this won't be you.

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